The Ballad of Mike & John
by Carl Ganzel
Now there once were two fellers who were not the best of friends,
They quarreled about doctrine and just how far God’s sovereignty extends.
One was called John and the other called Mike.
Just wait till the end and see which one you like.
Now Mike said some things for which he could never be forgiven.
Like, “sprinkling those babies can’t get them to heaven,”
And some other ideas about the Trinity and such,
But it was his insults to the Institutes that put him in dutch.
“Your Institutes I’ve read,
And your TULIP is Dead”.
It was things like this that in letters to John he did write,
But it only made John angry and cause his hatred to ignite.
John said “God controls everything, so I want to too!
That’s why I count their dishes, their plates and silverware, it’s true.
Whatever I do I can’t let them be free!
For I know they are all bad and would never choose me!”
Just then a thought popped into John’s head,
The god of his Institutes had spoken, and this is what he said,
“I cause everything to happen from beginning to end.
Now some do deny this and those you will offend.
“I caused Adam to fall and his descendants to sin.
I hate most and love some, even one of a twin.
“Some I have chosen but most I have not,
From those I get glory for Hell is their lot.”
“Oh God,” cried John, “I hate that Mike for what he has said.
I wish I could kill him and chop off his head!”
“It’s good that you hate him,” said God, “and wish he were dead.
Now beheading is fine, but why not burn him instead?”
Hmmm a big bon fire and Mike is invited,
When John heard these words, he was certainly delighted.
Soon after, Mike came into John’s town just a sojourner passing through.
Going to church it was John’s law, so Mike slunk into the very last pew.
But he was seen and turned in by some local town folk.
Now cold and in prison, Mike knew this was no joke.
So, Mike had his trial, such as it was.
John said, “Burn the heretic” and that’s the way it twas.
“Bad deeds must be punished by me don’t you know,
Now get some green wood, so he’ll burn nice and slow!
“He insulted my book, so he’ll get what he deserves, don’t you see?
Well except for the green wood, that ones on me, hoho hehe!”
Now some folks will tell you that what John did was alright.
But does book criticizing justify the green wood that they light?
I say love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.
Didn’t Jesus say these words in a Book that is true?
Does John’s god have a neighbor? If so who would that be?
Does he love all or does he pass by the helpless like an old Pharisee?
Does he have delight in the wicked when they die?
Does he get glory for sending them to hell to fry?
“Does he hate some babies before they do anything wrong?
Or, does He long for our redemption with patience oh so long?
Does He wait like the father for his son to come home again?
Doesn’t He run to meet him and forgive him for all his sin?
Choose you this day whom you will serve!”
Was this a real choice or was God throwing a curve?
It truly makes God sad when you won’t love and obey His Son.
He wants you to love Him freely, but it’s your choice and it’s a real one!
This poem was found on the FaceBook forum, Christians Against TULIP and the Heresy of Calvinism and has been reprinted with permission by the author.